prodigalmomma











{October 28, 2011}   Soon I’ll grow up & I won’t even flinch at your name

Today’s Bible Reflection for women from BibleGateway landed in my inbox (you can read it here).  It really struck me, firstly because it once again burst that bubble that I sometimes find myself in the I’m the only one who thinks like this bubble (it’s not far away from the teenage bubble I had of It’s all about me!)

I have made poor decisions in the past.  I have experienced situations that I wish I had not.  But, I don’t generally have regrets… everything I have done / experienced has affected the person who I am today.  As I read about being a ‘reflective practitioner’ as part of my M Ed. I become more aware of possible causes/factors in the person I am today.

But I think I’ve become sometimes too stuck in the negative thought cycle of “I am what others have made me” at times without truly considering either …

  • my active role in who I am (the past, present and for the future)
  • whose image I am created in (and whose likeness I aspire to imitate)
  • what has been done for me (and what the appropriate response to that event may be)

I identify at ties with the woman in this reflection, the contradiction between wanting to just curl up with your child and be in love with them, and not quite at times feeling worthy of such a precious gift…

But who declares me ‘unworthy’?

What does God say about me?  I just found these Bible Affirmations and I think I may well have to find out some way to put them up in my room so that I can think about a different one every day, or a different one every week.  Actually the GP recommends that I devise a form of ‘positive mental toolbox’ to help myself in low moments, perhaps these affirmations would / could be a good part of that?

Back before Easter this year I had a tattoo done.  Not my 1st, and I know that Christian opinion is split on them, but I think God is love and gave humanity a gift for creativity… but that’s my opinion.  The tattoo is ancient Greek, tetelestai meaning “it is finished” or “paid in full”… the final words of Jesus on the cross.  Perhaps this is something I need to absorb deeper than skin deep when I doubt and accuse myself, I need to remember that things are no longer hanging over my head…

…but that’s not a 1-way process, the next big thought is how do I honestly respond to such a gift?  I guess it’s something I’ll spend the rest of my life doing.

But biblical mantras / affirmations … are they a good & useful thing to get into?  Or do we risk inventing another ritual without much meaning or heart?  Because from the gospels I think Jesus wasn’t a great fan of that whole thing.  Hmmm something to think about!

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