prodigalmomma











{August 9, 2012}   Not a tame lion…

Jesus Walks on the Water [John 6.16-21]

When evening came, his disciples went down to the lake, where they got into a boat and set off across the lake for Capernaum. By now it was dark, and Jesus had not yet joined them.  A strong wind was blowing and the waters grew rough. When they had rowed about three or four miles, they saw Jesus approaching the boat, walking on the water; and they were frightened. But he said to them, “It is I; don’t be afraid.”  Then they were willing to take him into the boat, and immediately the boat reached the shore where they were heading.

The second part of the passage discussed at church last Sunday.  The idea of Jesus walking on walking and calming the storm – we’re not on strange territory here, the story is well known… but possibly poorly understood…

These two ‘stories’ combined are ones I know well – I knew about them from Church as a child.  Though as we broke away and discussed and shared ideas I don’t think I’ve ever really examined it as I did then.

Facing a storm… the thought hit me personally.  I remembered the sudden cold sickly feeling.  I tapped out a couple of texts asking for urgent prayer as I made myself a cup of ginger tea and attempted to pray myself.  Horrible strangling feeling of emotion from just a letter.

I took the request to the church family book also; looking back on it all I feel so lucky to have the sort of church family around me that I can share these moments, and requests with them.  THAT is what Church ought to be – come as you are.  Church isn’t church when it issues dictates like ‘not if you’re homosexual’ ‘not if you’re a female leader’ (or someone tainted by a woman… oh yes, that’s the language that’s been offered up within the continuing struggle towards female bishops in the C of E!)

For me it comes back to Psalm 139… God knows you, sees you, loves you…

God saw all that he had made, and it was very good [Genesis 1.31]

It didn’t happen immediately, but God calmed me, then the situation.  That shaking, twitching feeling of anxiety creeping about in my insides and all around was removed… it felt as if I could breathe again.  And the situation itself has calmed.

Looking back on it I can almost audibly hear – look, that was me, I was there, I was always there, I’m right here, I will always be there…

I know I’m not promised an easy route… but I will be prepared.

A friend mentioned to me during our discussions about “not telling God how big your problems are… but tell your problems how big your God is”  we all agreed a little cheesy BUT it hits home, we’re not sent into this world alone and without help, we have it in bucket loads…

HOWEVER, we need to ask – He won’t charge in guns blazing to ‘fix’ life, we have free choice… I wouldn’t want to be a puppet controlled by something (been there… done that…) He waits to be asked, and invited – sometimes not doing exactly as expected…

Not a tame lion

[Mr Tumnus] After all, he is not a tame lion.

[Lucy] No… but he is good

 

Advertisements


{July 2, 2012}   Everyday God

a poem / a prayer … I felt inspired this evening…

 

God…

I want to praise you for the everyday.

I believe and know that you can offer me awesome signs and wonders, but today I am content to stretch out my arms and call you “daddy”.

There are days when I feel broken by my past, and there are moments I want to weep or rage over the sadnesses I see in the world around me.

But I see angry tears on your face too… so I know you understand.

Today, I praise you for getting up in the morning, praise you for cuddles with my daughter, praise you while I get on with the laundry.

Thank you for bouncy tunes on the radio, I think I see you smile as I try to sing along!

I can hold back tears of happiness as I wash my child’s hair, uttering tacit blessings all over her – thank you for bathtimes.

Thank you God for those funny pictures, uplifting quotes or happy news shared by my friends on Facebook… Daddy, do you hear me when I ask that their hearts will come to know you?

God, thank you for clean pj’s, something good to read and a comfy place to sit.

Thank you for being there in the everyday, thank you for hearing my chatter alongside my petitions and rants, thank you for the signs and wonders… but thank you for the quiet peace and contentment.

Thank you for not being my Sunday best, but for being my working week.

AMEN

 



et cetera